Mapping my world

The perception of time and space is a very tricky thing. It changes unpredictably following the circumstances I find myself in. I perceive the time-space coincidence mostly repetitive and rhythmic (mechanical patterns of structuring my time and the ever-same choice of paths). In the last month my perception of time and space radically changed when I left my beloved environment (kisses to you!) behind and  travelled to a new place: Ankara in Turkey. 

All of a sudden my well-organized world would grow and embrace infinite, unknown territories beyond my possibilities of organizing it back into order. I have to say that I wasn't well prepared for this new step: although I did my best to leave no mess behind, I was unable to really come to terms with what was expecting me here. I didn't speak the language. By the time I arrived I didn't even have a clue of how I could get to the hostel. And I left the airplane wearing two jackets (which was clearly a mistake with 37°C outside temperature). Also, I didn't know a single person in this city. For one week I was wandering through the streets of Ankara feeling displaced and very stupid since I was unable to communicate with almost nobody apart from the receptionist who would put on a slightly hostile look everytime I opened my mouth.

After I moved in on campus of the Bilkent University things would change quickly. My very huge, lonely, desorganized, mute and at the same time very loud world began to shrink so fast, I was almost unable to grasp its transformation. 

The campus is like a small citystate. People are only allowed to enter with a specific document (student ID card). There are clear rules reglementing campus life (for instance a strict seperation of the 'sexes' in the dormitories). There even is a specific 'police' and lots of security cameras. Also, all of the infrastructure is provided on campus: a mall, a shuttle service, hair dressers, sports centers, a post office, a concert hall, cafes, copy centers and a book store. And extensive greens to hang out on. I understood that this private university with all its shiny, polished buidlings is a highly exclusive and priviliged place. With this thought my world became so small, that none of its former mysteries was left unsolved, being violently exposed to plain sunshine.

Shortly after that, my world was temporarily transformed into a small and dark box when I received the message of my grandfather's death. I found myself unable to find the time-space patterns for an adequate mourning.

This was when Bilkent campus somehow became my 'safety bubble'. It is my safe area because here is where I could find people to talk to. And these are not only the exchange students whom I befriended quickly, but also my fellow students at the American Culture Department who asked me to join them for lunch. My fellow students with whom I now start a theater project. Strangers that would begin a conversation with me because of my "still loving feminism"-bag. Strangers who recognize me as a somewhat new person to this place and who therefore politely offer me their help again and again. All these experiences of kindness and openness turned my world back into 'normal'.

So, to come back to my initial thought of a changing perception of time: I'm back there in for routine and smallness.  Probably wandering on the ever-same paths. And probably, for the moment, this is just fine.